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Friday, January 30th, 2004
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Tuesday, January 13th, 2004
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two days from now, I will be on my way to ithaca to move back into the housing that has made me crazy. We didnt get into the kind of apartment that we wanted, but it will prolly work out just fine. I cant wait to get back, get to drinking, and hanging out with everyone. I think it will be fairly easy to readjust and whatnot. My plans are to settle into the new place and not worry about the semester ahead of me. im physched for senior year, the house is going to be awesome. This semester should prove to be very fun also. Im actually excited about classes, and they will be so short compared to the two hours and 40 min at the london center.
I know that hardly anyone reads these anymore, but sometimes i just feel the need to babble on and on.
the dude is pissing me off right now, and I dont know where i want to go with all that. Talked to sandy about it last nite and she brought up some very nice points. and after friday I feel the need to cut things off.for over 6 months Ive been going through this nonsense in my head--hell its been nearly nine months of me not knowing what to do, and settling for less than I deserve. Im kinda afraid of what work will be like if I do in fact cut things off. Im sure he'll just be the same old same old joking around, we just wouldnt be hooking up. Damn...I wish that kid could be serious from time to time, then maybe I would know where i stand. but all he does is make jokes about everything and says...just kidding, and most of the time I dont think he is kidding. And I fucking hate that.
eh...old navy sucks my balls. I dont even want to go in today, Iwould much rather sit around and wait for time to pass till i go back on thursday. I have lots of stuff I should do, but I havent have enough energy to do. Im not really looking forward to getting back to 5344 either, Im phsched to be blitzing buddies with heather, but thats about it. Everyone else I either dont like...and dont know. And Im sure Ill get shit for hours and wont be able to pay off my bill (and it doesnt help that Ive been using my credit card again).
Well. Im off to the mall till 6, and then who knows--prolly coming back here, playing yahoo gin with tom, watching tv then going to sleep. Cause tomorrow is another 10am on call meaning i have to get up at 8 to fucking call.
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Monday, January 5th, 2004
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Im waiting 20 min to have one of my fav meals ever. So I thought i might update. Im psyched to get back to IC, hoping time will past more quickly because the days have been dragging on. From what i know right now, Heather and I managed to get a circle apartment, which should be awesome, but we arent completely sure yet. We have to wait till Friday to get our real rooming assignments. And if we do get a circle--it better be a 2 person or heads are going to roll, because we've been contacting reslife all along telling them we only want a 2 person circle or garden.
So the housing situation is a little more under control--and Im feeling a lot better about the whole thing, knowing that we wont get shafted to west tower and wont have to eat dining hall.
I have no hours at old navy this week, and went in today, there were literally 2 people working, the fitting room was closed and there were hardly any cars in the parking lot. It was weird. I guess whatever it doesnt matter that I have no hours, cause I dont really like that place anyways. a week and a half more I will be in ithaca.
New years was ok. I had to be DD and consequently could not drink, with all of those kids that were drinking. It was semi-frustrating. BUt seeing sandy and her oswego kids was fun times. the first nite was the best, then the sabres game was awesome, the ball drop was cool too, Then New years day yeah all we did was watch this one show called mythbusters, then watched 3 hours of queer eye.
Well I know hardly anyone reads this, and I guess its boring and such.
So That is all for now, dinner is almost done.
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Sunday, December 28th, 2003
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So today was my first day back at the slave, and it was pretty ok. Lots of fun kids were working, Kerri, danielle, paris, nick, jeff it was fun times. I filled out alll of my paperwork, blahblah it was annoying had to sign in 8 or so places. So, Im running over to put my wallet away, and im running and i trip over the door stopper thing that is implanted in the floor, projecting out of it, after the initial trip im still running only the angle of my body in relation to the floor is slowly decreasing, and its like slow motion for me, because I think i can force my body back up to ninety degrees, but then smack I hit the concrete floor with the entire front of my body, and my chest was burning. so i get up, luckily no one saw. Nothing bad, just hurting a little now. it was more funny than anything.
Im still fucking sick, my throat killing me more than ever, and the flem...yup still there. I guess i should go back to the doctor soon and be like I need to get fucking better.
still dont know the scheduale for old navy which is semi annoying but the plan is still for buffalo new years, which Im super excited about.
Christmas was decent. A little disappointing, cause my bros got way awesome stuff and i didnt get too much because part of the gift was my ticket home, and I would have felt guilty if i had gotten anything else, cause my rents have already spent way too much money on me with this whole trip. The dude got me some bling bling earrings that are totally awesome. They are semi-big and a little dressy so i cant wear em all the time, but they are so cute and Im impressed by his jewelry picking out capabilties.
I saw peter pan fri nite with doug, cause that was the only movie that was playing at that particular time, it was cheesy but im happy i got to spend the time with him. Im hoping he can come chill next week sometime. My mom doesnt really like him now cause of what I told her of the incidents when I came home in september, which I wish I hadnt and says I cant do better and blahblah, but I have to keep reminding her that we actually arent together. Its weird that its just like this summer, when i dont know the definition of our relationship, but we're still hanging out regardless. I really dont care right now tho about the whole defining this whole thing, cause its more like we're friends with benefits, and that is totally fine with me right now. He's got all of this stuff going on in his life, and I have a bunch of stuff in mine. We're not completely compatible, at least out lifestyles and such, so where we are at is fine. im trying to simmer down about thinking about this, because ive realized it gets me no where.
and this is starting to not make much sense, but im tired. I should be cleaning some more, trying to find my cell phone charger but ooh well.
Ooh and I got a "new" car and its awesome, It has: a clock, intermittent wipers, side mirrors that are adjustable from the inside, a gas and a trunk lever inside the car, and NO RUST or Damage to the front! It runs just fine, and looks great. Just have to get it inspected and registered and its all set!
Well...im getting a little tired, and my back hurts from the concrete so I must sleep now.
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Sunday, December 21st, 2003
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must begin operation lose the 10 lbs i gained in london---tomorrow.
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Saturday, December 20th, 2003
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so Ive been home for a few days, its been great being home minus the old navy being lame. They cant find my file, so I havent been able to start back up. They seem to think its at the Ithaca store, but it should be at GN because I was there all summer. I really dont care too much, I have the office to work at, and Im going to try to start next week. If I dont go back to ON till jan when Im back at IC I really dont care.
I went down to ithaca on tuesday and had an awesome time. Saw doug, went out to dinner, hung out watched tv, did whatever, then headed up to IC about 8--got up there, started drinking soon after that, had becki on my lap most of the nite, then stayed up most of the night because of my cough, woke up, showered, then headed out to collegetown bagels, hung out with my girls, then made it home.
Bruce randomly called me wendsday nite, I havent spoken to him the whole time I was away, and hes like yo--are you in the country. SO we hung out--watched Bad boys, it was fun times.
The next time Jenn and I hung out, we watched the Italian Job and a mighty wind, I made her go to the grocery store with tme and my mom, where I went insane and bought a shit load of food. Jenn attempted to teach me how to knit, but when I went to start I did the first row, but then I forgot the last step of the knit. So Ill have to have her show me again.
SInce then I havent dont anything, Ive been trying to clean up my room, Doug is supposed to come up today. I feel horrible because on of his friends just died. I never know what to say when stuff like that happens. He went over to her house and hung out with her family, and he sounded a lot better last nite. i just hope he is doing ok with it.
talked to sandy last nite, Im headed out to Buffalo for new years. Seeing a sabres game, which should be fun because I miss those oswego kids. Its weird cause I didnt think that any of them liked me, but apparantly Jeff and Paul are super excited that Im coming out. Sandy seems to think that I am going to smoke some pot, but I dont think its happening. It should be fun times though, I havent hung out with those kids since last spring.
Well that is all for now I guess. It was actually very easy to adjust to live back here. Its weird though, because the last four months seemed like they were just a dream and didnt exist. Living in London makes me want to live in a city, sandy wants me to move down to DC this summer, and Im actually considering it. My mom doesnt really expect me to be here, and no one wants to stay in ithaca.
its weird, when Jenn and I watched the Italian Job, a lot of it is filmed in Venice, and i was totally there. Its strange that ive seen so much of Europe, and now I am back in liverpool being bored and depressed with my lack of money.
Cleaning my room has been hell. I forgot how many clothes i had here, and I didnt realize how much stuff I bought when I was gone. Im still not done cleaning up, there is still a lot of organize, but I am just too lazy to do anything about it.
so yeah thats all.....there will be more soon Im sure since this town sucks.
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Sunday, December 14th, 2003
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So, it is my last day in London and I felt the need to update on this shitty ass computer cause I am too lazy to walk upstairs to the 4th floor. So amsterdam was fucking amazing, I met these really cool guys, Jeff and Ryan from Aulstralia, but were living in London. We hung out with them all weekend, it was super lots of fun. I totally wanted to get on one of them, but I knew that wasnt going to happen cause I think that would have just made things a little weird. The strokes though, put on an amazing show. I couldnt believe it, but they played a lot of stuff from thier old albulm which was awesome and then ended with take it or leave it with no encore. Nate said that they dont ever play encores, which I think is kinda cool, cause they end with Take it or leave it,and it works well.
Yesterday we hit up the Anne Frank House, Van gogh museum and then the hienkien brewery. The anne frank house was really intense, talking about her life, and we were in the room that she was hiding in. They couldnt go outside and had to be as quiet as they could all day monday-friday so the workers downstairs would no hear them. They were eventually arrested and sent to Ashowitz, which I had no idea. I felt like a dumb ass not really knowing the story of ANne Frank, but the house was amazing. They actually had her origional diary there in a glass case. Van Gogh was as usual amazing, I managed to see a lot of his work that I love, and spent about 50 euro in the gift shop. THe hienkien brewery was also awesome, with two cheesy rides and three half pints, it was banging.
So our plane was delayed two hours, and we didnt get back into London till about 9, when we were supposed to get back at 7...I got back to the flat and people were already drinking and such, I took a shower andj t hen started drinking. It turned out to be super annoying, because heather was trashed, ed looked horrible, nate just wanted to go to sleep...and I wasnt drunk. Everyone was being all wasted and loud, and our doorman had to come down three times. Then the party ended, we kicked everyone out basically and then heather came back in, and started bitching to me about how i can never handle partis at the flat, which is kinda true because I am the only half sober one (and apparantly that is my fault according to heather) and I have to be the bitch that yells at everyone for spilling shit, being loud, or doing something stupid, and I fucking hate that bullshit. Half the people there I didnt like but it was still fun times...I got to say bye to mostly everyone and for the people that I do like, I had fun hanging out with them.
Well..today I have to run to piccadilly return some stuff at Lilywhites, then head to urban outfitters maybe buy this watch that i want (with the money i dont really have) and then head over to oxford street, return stuff from dorkthy perkins, then the soccor store then check out the british museum, come home, pack, sleep, and then wake up early and get to the airport.
Next time I write Ill be home!
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Thursday, December 11th, 2003
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I felt the need to do one of these cheesy surveys because i have nothing better to do. i really should be working on my paper that i have yet to finish, but I say fuck that. Im going home on monday, and i cant wait. I have no money left, I dont really know where it all has gone, besides bills bills and more bills
It's that time again... I really want to go home and see the dude, and asses the situation. I cant believe that I have lived in london for the past four months. I had an amazing time and Ive dont things I never ever thought i would do. This weekend is going to be awesome as well, nate and I are going to amsterdam but too bad we are leaving at like 3 am and we are going to get almost no sleep. im not really looking forward to the sitting in the airport bit, but it will be worth it. I have hardly any money to spend, so Im limited to 50 euro, plus the nite in the hostel, which i think should be ok.
WEll...enough writing now...here is the lame quiz
1. [Spell your name backwards]: hael
2. [Where do you live?]: London, England (On monday i go back to Syracuse)
3. [Describe yourself in 4 words]: sarcastic, passive-agressive, funny, likable
4. [Who is your worst enemy?]: Capital Agencies
5. [If you could have any animal, what would it be?]: My dog Chelsea I miss her so much!
6. [What is the latest you've ever stayed up]: Probobly 36 hours or something
7. [Ever been to Belgium?]: No, but I will be really close, because I will be in the Netherlands this weekend
8. [What's your favorite coin?]: the 2 pound coin its big and its worth so much!
DESCRIBE YOUR
9. [Wallet]: Its one of those magic wallets that you put money in and flip it around, so the money doesnt fall ou..its basic black leather
10. [Brush]: Silver with black dressing, Vidal Sasson
11. [Toothbrush]: A purple and clear colgate
12. [Jewelry worn daily]: the only thing i really wear on a daily basis if u can call it that is my black opal pendent with silver chain that i got in venice
13. [Pillow cover]: Usually My blue checked on#
14. [Blanket]: blue checked duvet cover here in london, but at home a black one
15. [Coffee cup]: fuck cofee
16. [Sunglasses]: Black kinda cat eye ones from Old navy..they were cheap and looked ok
17. [Underwear]: Victoria's Secret all the way..my favorite are my black body ones
18. [Shoes]: usually some sort of black saucony sneaker
19. [Handbag]: Big black one from the gap..
20. [Favorite top]: My black vneck from old navy with black lace trim around the neckline, and scrunched chest
21. [Favorite pants]: Long and Lean Jeans from the Gap
22. [Cologne/Perfume]: Green Tea by Elizabeth Arden
23. [CD in stereo right now]: I dont have any cds in anything, cause i have no stereo
24. [Tattoos]: none
25. [Piercings]: Just my ears.
26. [Wearing]: My favorite black shirt with this new trendy skirt i got that is full skirt with pink and white circle patterns on it
27. [Hair]: Long and brown...and boy do i need it cut
28. [Makeup]: NC20 studiofix by Mac, Peach blush, Bliss eyeshadow with black eyeliner..pretty basic
WHAT/WHO (is/are)
29. [In my mouth]: my tonge
30. [In my head]: the thoughts of be wanting to get my deposit back and thinking about how i should just keep it for myself.
31. [Wishing]: i was home right now
32. [After this]: Work then the end of term event
33. [Talking to]: no one, i'm a dork
34. [Eating:] nothing but i just had some awesome lunch at Garfunkles
35. [Do you like candles]: sometimes
36. [Do you like hot wax]: yes, its fun to put ur finger in it and let it congel, except its no good when u burn urself hardcore with it
37. [Do you like incense]: no its annoying
38. [Do you like the taste of blood]: not particularly.
39. [Fetishes]: Umm buying clothes that I need, and yeah im obsessed with van gogh
40. [If you could murder anyone and get away with it]: I dont think i could murder someone, that is fucked up
41. [Person you wish you could be with right now]: As lame as it is. i want to be with the dude right now to scope out the situation
42. [What/Who is next to you]: nate is behind me writing a paper, chris is in here too
43. [What do you want done with your body when you die]: i want to be cremated..
44. [Do you believe in love]: Yes
45. [Do you believe in soul mates]: Eh not really, If you met someone and Fall in love, then its not nessisarily fated, its just you were at the right place at the right time.
46. [Do you believe in love at first sight]: No i think that is lame
47. [Do you believe in Heaven]: no
48. [Do you believe in forgiveness]: Well in the relgious sense, no..but I beleilve yes you can fogive
49. [Do you believe in God]: no, something higher than us yes
50. [What's something that you wish people would understand]: I dont know..
51. [What's something you wish you could understand better]: ?
52. [What's one thing you want to make happen for tomorrow]: I dont know tommorrow is going to be a kick ass day,im going to amsterdam!
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Thursday, December 4th, 2003
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Im at work and Im so ready to go home. I was supposed to write a paper tonite, and have it done by tomorrow, but that didnt happen because i heard that we REALLY dont have to turn it in till next friday. Im going to Paris tomorrow, which i am phsyched about, except we dont have any place to stay yet. WE were hoping to stay with his family, but we cant, so we are going to basically get there and have to find a place to stay, which is going to be a huge pain in the ass. But at least I booked the place for amsterdam already. Ooh well, Im sure we will find someplace to stay and plus all we really need is a bed. Im just a worry-wort I guess, but I shouldnt complain because we are going! and I was so excited about going to begin with.
Im starting to get a little freaked out about tests...i found the exam for monday, and we have to write 1200 words in class about a half hour clip, which I dont think i will be able to do. But i totally know the show that it is going to be on.
fucking 18 more days till i go home, oooh and i will have 2 jobs again when i go back home because the dermatologist office wants me to go back.
wow..I hate so many people that go to this school
Im going home.
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Sunday, November 30th, 2003
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Its been a while since i last wrote, i think the last time was on my fall break. But Im at work right now, bored out of my mind, I should be writing this paper thing i have, but I have no inspiration. I have to propose three television shows for three different British Channels, at 500 words each. I hate bullshit like this, and I have no motivation to do it because I hate this class. I know that if i spend like an hour of each one of them, i could probobly get them done, but like i said I only have one idea. I have 131 words for that one thus far, its about an indie rock band touring through the Uk, and the show follows them around in their tour bus, the lead singer is super cute, and they are all jealous of him, and blahblah Sounds kind of lame, eh?
Well I dont feel like writing about that kind of shit. But...Im just ready to go home. Ive been here 3 months (well longer than that) and Im sick of all this bullshit. Im sick of dealing with my annoying flatmates that freak out over the stupidest things and treat me like im an infant. I really like everyone, but I just dont think the living situation is the best. I am sick right now, leaving me to my bed for the entire weekend, feeling like shit and not being able to breathe.
I wish that i was going home on the group flight, so that I would have extra time to work back the money that I spent while I was here, because spending an extra week here is going to be way more expensive, and plus i wont be making money. Overall, I think it was a dumb mistake to decide to stay an extra week, because I just want to be home now...but I didnt really think I would want to go home now, I thought hmm maybe I shouldnt go in the fall, because i wont have the opportunity to stay another semester.
Ugh...ALl this is just me being stupid. I really do love London, and its great to be so close to the rest of Europe. Im headed off to Paris this upcoming weekend, and then Amsterdam the next, with Nate since everyone else was being assholes about traveling. I cant wait untill classes are done and I have all my work turned in. For as much work and papers i have written this semester, I dont feel like I have learned anything. All my classes were hell sitting through, for two and a half hours, and then every assignment comes at the same times as all your other assignments, making this semester ridiculously stressfull.
Well enough of my pessimistic negative attitude, thanksgiving turned out to be amazing. We made dinner, and ended up having something like 15 people over. went through maybe 8 bottles of wine, then hung out with some people from IC.
Well four more fucking hours down here in the basement. And I have the opportunity to get my work done, I just need some ideas.
hmm maybe you should just..ignore this entry because i know nothing makes sense
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Sunday, October 12th, 2003
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so Im in madrid right now, at an internet cafe, and I need to update this thing a little. Im on fall break with Liv and Bryan, Madrid then Barcelona, then Milan, then Venice, should be amazing. We´ve been in madrid the past few nights, went to toledo today, and it was amazing. Im not too jazzed with madrid, but toledo was fucking amazing. It was what I expected spain to look like. The city is walled, and then surrounded by mountains and a river. It was absolutely beautiful. The whole language thing is really difficult cause i dont know any spanish at all, but liv is getting us by. Tomorrow we leave for barcelona, which i am super excited about. I just heard that billy will actually be in barcelona next semester if he gets accepted to the program. Im jealous of him. But I guess i shouldnt be, beacuse I am in london for the semester and enjoying an amazing fall break in spain and italy.
haha....too bad I am semi-drunk right now, after spiting 3 pitchers of sangria with liv and bryan. Woooahhh!
Yeah so i have nothing else to update really right now. cause i am a super nerd. and that is all for now.
leave me some comments, cause I know you are jealous.
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Wednesday, October 1st, 2003
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she's got her head in the clouds, her heart overseas, and her feet in the mud...
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Thursday, September 4th, 2003
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wow. people at this school are annoying. Eh...Im sitting around and waiting to leave work, because there is nothing to do here. Work sucks because there is nothing to do, but it lets me catch up getting my nerd-on. I get paid to just sit around and wait for the phone to ring.
well its been fun times here in london. In a few days we will get to move into our permanent flat, two doors down the hall...if capital agencies ever gets their ass into gear.
well..nothing much else to say..Im going to wales this weekend--seing some roman baths, stonehedge, and some castles. Should be fun times..minus the having to be at the london center at 715 am.
well that is all for now.
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Wednesday, August 27th, 2003
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So Im finally in london, and i have four months ahead of me. I havent done too much since ive been here, but its been fun. Ive been really busy with school stuff, and finding a flat and havent been able to go out exploring too much. So we finally have a flat, we are staying there for two weeks, then moving permantly down the hall. The building is nice, but i think we have the most disgusting flat in the building.
everyone is getting on everyones nerves in the flat i think but i am avoiding the conflict, because as heather tells me I am passive agressive.
eh, I dont really have too much to say, other than once the laptop lab is all settled i am going to post my digi pics online. so keep posted for that update.
ugh...i dont know what to do about doug though, ive called him three time since ive been here, and its costing me lots of money. but i say whatever! i thought that nothing would come of our relationship, but....things really arent that way--it seems like this thing might last a little longer than expected.
well that is all for now. this computer desk is annoying ass.
and...oh the nostalgic quizzes:
Masochist
The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla
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Monday, August 18th, 2003
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so its been an amazing summer, despite my anti-socialness and long work scheduale. i cant believe i am going to be in london in less than 24 hours. its going to be a shock at first but i know that it is going to be amazing. for all of you that read this, Im going to try to keep you updated with happenings from swinging london town, whenever i get on the net.
on another note...last nite was amazing. i didnt make it out to hang out with the old navy crew, but doug was here, and im so happy he stayed as long as he did. with six other people in the house, we came back here around midnight...after getting milkshakes and sitting by the lake (and being freaked out by the guy in the black bonnevile watching us). we tried to be quiet...and im hoping that we didnt keep everyone up, but i dont care, because it was my last nite in the country. It was amazing how he was all vulnerable and upset that i was leaving. this summer was entirely too short, and i freaked out about stupid and useless things. i dont know what is going to happen when i get back but i guess we will see in four months.
but im outta here. london is going to be amazing.
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so the past two weeks have flown by, and there are only a mere three weeks left untill i leave for swinging london town. I dont know what to expect at all, i am extremely excited, yet nervous all at the same time. I think my last day at old navy is going to be the 9th because i am sick of that bullshit. I want a week before i leave where i dont have to worry about going into work and dealing with the bullshit all to make a mere 100 bucks. eh. I guess i dont know.
ive been working so much that i dont want to do anything when i get home. I know that i wont get anything done untill saturday because tomorrow Im getting a filling then spending the day in ithaca, thursday: working all day, friday: working all day, and saturday: working 1030-730. and somehow in all of this i expect doug to spend the nite. both my parents were supposed to head down to philly for the weekend, but now it might just be my mom, leaving my dad here with me. I wanted "the dude" to come over fri or sat nite to spend some time with me, relieve some of my boredom and anti-socialness etc.etc. but i dont know if this is going to happen now.
but back to the subject of this posting..I cant believe that this summer is almost over. well it basically is over because i know i wont do the things that i wanted. So many unfortunate un-realized goals. I didnt save a thousand bucks, because every month this summer my credit card bill was close to 500 bucks, including this months that i wish I didnt have to pay off. I didnt get to hang out with Amy Horton, who i wish i would have staying in better touch with, I never made it out to albany to go chill with jenn, I only made it out to rochacha once, and maybe i will get to make it out there once more. I hung out with stephanie maybe twice this whole summer, and she only lives 5 minutes away, and yet i hung out with doug three times just in the last week, and he lives an hour away. I didnt make it to old forge to see sandy or DC with her. eh...wow there is a lot of things that I just didnt get to this summer. but i was lucky enough to have cape cod, cause that was awesome. and im so happy i got this job when i did becausae i was becoming more and more depressed as i sat at home and did nothing other than feel sorry for myself that my existance seemed worthless.
it still hasnt fully sunken in that i will be living in a huge city in less than a month with my best friend! man i miss the ithaca girls, not just heather but all of them. I havent talked to becki in over a month, I talk to liz every once in a while, and all others I dont really talk to.
its weird to think that time is going to pass so quickly when i am in london, that everything will be the same when i get back here. i kind of hope doug finds someone when i am gone because i dont think things could ever work out between us to be serious. but eh i dont know.
eh...i keep rambling about stupid shit, while i am sitting here waiting for doug to call me back. I really just want to go to sleep, i am exhausted from my 12 hr day full of working at the office then babysitting the little rascals...and let me tell you, i really dont want kids...i just wanted to kill them all when they were pissing me off.
well......im sure all of you people who read this dont want to read more (even though i know there are only like 5 of u) so i guess i will stop typing the random thoughts that are going thru my head as im sitting here at my laptop.
goodnite all.
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Saturday, July 19th, 2003
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so in one month from yesterday I am leaving to go to London, England. It seems pretty amazing that i am actually going. Every time i talk to Heather or about it to my parents I get more and more excited to go. My parents were awesome enough to buy a laptop. Its not exactly mine, but it basically is untill i get back from London.
I dont know why i expect to change so much when i am there. I guess its cause i want to experience new things, and am hoping that these new things will shape me into a better person.
for one. I wish i knew what i wanted. I dont know what the fuck i want to do with my life...im too afraid to sign up for an internship in london because im afraid i will find out i hate the field that im in. the whole boy situation is a whole other story.
well. I guess all i can do is be excited for living in another country. I feel like i need to get my shit together and get ready to go, but im kinda forgetting there is a whole other month. 30 days is kinda a long time, considering im preparing like im leaving tomorrow.
im addicted to this laptop. I didnt think i would be a huge fan, but i definitly am. Im all used to the keyboard and shit now.
eh...i guess i should go to bed soon, since i have nothing better to do.
doug better stop by tomorrow or else i will be pissed.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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yet another week goes by and i have become more and more pissed off, depressed, and cynical.
i cant wait to leave for london, in a summer that has been much less eventful than planned. something like 40 more days of this bullshit. then i can get on a plane and have fun again. ive made no fucking money, and probably wont be able to do anything when im in london.
sometimes i hate writing in this cause its usually lame and I feel like im 3rd grade writing in my diary sometimes : today i went to work, I bought some cookies, then i came home and watched tv. Makes my life seem so lame even lamer than i already think it is.
I somehow pass the hours upon hours in which i have nothing to do, usually sleeping away the day, then fucking around on my computer for five hours or something. and while on the computer i hop in the kitchen and seem to munch on everything, then not ever feeling satisfied.
more and more the dude is getting on my nerves. i just want to fucking kill him sometimes. i feel like im exerting all of this energy into this half ass relationship (if you can even call it that) which i know is not going anywhere. then i find myself complaining about it to my friends who don't know him or dont give a shit and i just wish i had more interesting things to talk about or just wish better thoughts filled my head.
i should just go to sleep and stop thinking about this bullshit...or go outside and go running or something...do fucking something besides go to work. come home. sit on computer. sleep. repeat.
so yeah. im sick of the bullshit. fuck that noise.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, July 2nd, 2003
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| Time: | 11:20 pm. |
| Music: | Phantom Planet - sleep machine. |
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| sprklegrl979 | | Magic Number | 8 | | Job | Serial Killer | | Personality | Drifter | | Temperament | Sweet Natured | | Sexual | Whatever, Whenever, Whoever | | Likely To Win | Nothing | | Me - In A Word | Genius | | Colour | | | Brought to you by MemeJack |
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Thursday, June 26th, 2003
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| Subject: | nothing. |
| Time: | 1:02 am. |
| Mood: |  melancholy. | | Music: | Alkaline Trio - Blue In The Face. |
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I have done nothing these past three days that i havent had to work. absolutelty nothing. one out of three of these days i actually went into the outdoors, despite the beautiful weather. I havent even done my laundry or my nails, I've basically been sitting on my computer playing solitare, spider solitaire, or the sims. Im such a cool girl.
im in yet another weird mood. i wish i could get out of it, i dont know what is up with it. i just want to go to london and get out of this fucking place. no less than and hour ago i heard my parents upstairs having sex...well i heard the bed moving and i was forced by my repulsion to put headphones on and turn up the music of alkaline trio.
i think london is going to be super cool and the best time ever. but i still have two more months here. Im going to try and not spend any more money on bullshit like clothes or shoes, because i will be able to get cooler shit when i am over there.
im starting to get annoying with my boy situation. i dont know what the hell to do. it just makes me mad that hes got to live an hour away, and when i actually do see him..we basically just make out. yes i know this is partially my fault, but its getting kind of old. it just feels like we are obligated to fool around because we hardly ever get to see each other. i dont even know why i give a shit as much as i do, because i dont want to get emotionally attached before london town. but i dont see this being long-term, i think jenn may describe it best when she says we are "different people." but despite that..im still attracted to him and like him.
i guess this is my indecisiveness coming out.
but anyways. all together i havent been feeling like myself. i miss being in ithaca with liz and becki and heather and everyone. im going to miss living with liz..but i think heather will be cool too. hehe of course she will be, she is heather.
blahblah i guess i am going crazy from looking at my computer for so long and being so bored, but i actually could have done something today. im just a lazy mother fucker.
i find myself waiting for him to sign on at night, but when he does we hardly talk...or it ends up that he just doesnt come online. why cant i have something better to do with my life?
then i get into conversations with tom about the "big O" and then he asks when i am coming to visit him. riight. i had all of these plans to make road trips this summer...on the weekends, but i always end up working on the weekends and sitting on my ass during the week.
whatever. ill stop writing so u can stop reading. goodnite.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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sprklegrl979's journal
ecstatic.
aggravated.